dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
