i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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