sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
