Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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