Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
