My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
