I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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