ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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