Nicole vs. Life
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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