Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Every concussion has its silver lining
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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