why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
