Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
