I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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