I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
