The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
