Umm I'm too high to move.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
