I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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