By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
