She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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