Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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