your thong is hanging out like whoa
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
