I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
