apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
