Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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