Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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