thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
