How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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