Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
