Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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