Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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