Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
