My cat gives me a boner
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
