Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
