When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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