I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
