Everything about him screamed your future.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
