Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
