I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
