His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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