She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
