none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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