please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
