you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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