i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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