I cannot find my penis.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
