I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
