Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He shit in the fireplace
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
