You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
