there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
