I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
