the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
