I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
