Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
