is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
