The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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