I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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