Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
