There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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